Shopping

Never let it be said that I don't write profound and thought provoking blog articles. So then..

Aldi.

I don't know about you but I have a love hate relationship with Aldi. On the plus side it's cheap. Ridiculously so really. Of course part of the reason why my bill is so much smaller when I shop there is actually because they don't stock a large portion of the stuff I really want but we'll put that to one side. I mean if I didn't enter at least two supermarkets in a week the world might spin off it's axis.

The second reason for loving it is the speed I can do my shopping. I can be out of there in twenty minutes flat with a following wind, provided I go at 9am and I don't get distracted by bird feeders and bargain de-icer. Of course the reason for the speed it is mainly...well see above. They don't have everything I want. But I still think speed is a definite plus.

And finally there's all that stuff that they sell that sees to be a complete bargain. But you don't need it and rarely buy it which is another win. Which makes you feel like you've saved money by not even trying. It's a clear win.

So any other negatives apart from the lack of choice and cafe selling toasted tea cakes? Oh there are just one or two.

Let's get this straight from the off, I am an intelligent woman. Well at least I used to be. But I have yet to have an experience in there that went to plan. Each time I have emerged feeling more like a dimwit than ever before.

Twice I have turned up without the required pound coin for the trolley. An innocent mistake you might think.Thankfully I was helped out on both occasions, but not before an eyes skyward motion and an audible sigh. Clearly they have been before and never go anywhere on a bus.

Actually selecting the goods is fairly straightforward if you can weave your way through all the cages waiting to be unloaded. This morning I managed to not buy a £2 gingerbread house and a £10 bird feeding station but I was enticed by extremely cheap seeds. At least this year I will fail to grow things that only cost 39p.

It's the till where it all goes a bit awry. You have to unload on the conveyor belt fast. And I mean really fast if there isn't a queue in front of you.

Then there's the means of payment. The first time I ever went I caused untold chaos by a) trying to pay with a credit card then b) realising I didn't even have my debit card with me. The result was an aggravated cashier and an extremely fast run to Sainsburys to take cash out on my credit card. Plus all this was post op. It just wasn't funny.

And the packing? I learnt the hard way that you are under no circumstances allowed to try and pack your goods into bags. No you have to throw all goods, irrespective of break-ability, into your trolley like it's an episode of supermarket sweep.

There was that other time when I didn't remember to take any bags with me and, too embarrassed to pay for any, ended up unloading every item I had bought individually into my boot. Unpacking at home was a laugh a minute.

So this morning I was ready. I had learnt my lesson.  I had limbered up suitably. I loaded the goods onto the belt like a demon. I was so fast I even had time to remove my debit card from my purse and put it in the most convenient pocket so I could shove it in the machine like lightening. I had bags. What could go wrong? I swung the trolley round the end to catch the items in the confident manner of a woman who has been to Aldi before more than once.

The trolley was instantly manhandled into the correct position butted up to the till end by a cashier who was probably wondering how I managed to be so stupid when it had all seemed so promising.

"Oh sorry", I laughed nervously. "I always get that bit wrong". (Yeah just that bit). "It's like Jenga isn't it?" No you divot it's not like Jenga. You mean Tetris. You complete plank.

The cashier smiled at me. It might have been a smirk.

So I set off to the car feeling yet again like I had failed. It's so unfair.

As I reached the boot to pack all the shopping into bags I got a text. Could I buy hay. Bugger. I went back in the shop. They don't sell it.

I went to Sainsburys.