Not such a successful dieter

Well this week I, yet again, convinced myself it was time to go on a diet. Usually when I do this I try, yet again, to do Weightwatchers. I did this successfully about ten years ago and kid myself that I can remember how to do, and can apply all the rules with self discipline without actually having to attend a meeting or pay any money again. I always give up by day three.

This time I bought a different book. It was cheap from The Book People and had that lovely looking lass from Channel Four on it, Anna Richardson. I remember watching a diet programme sometime with her in it that was quite sensible. All the usual stuff about healthy eating and moving about more. Of course I know all the basics behind this already but I do like a new book especially if it's going to give me new recipes to follow and keep me in check.

Then I opened the book and skipped to the "Rules". I read them, was horrified and closed the book again. This was clearly not the book that went with the programme. There was no way I could start this diet on any normal day. I had to wait until I had no-one to see socially, was not on holiday and was no-where where I might have to buy food or drink. I put the book away while I went on holiday, ate ice cream, got drunk and had a barbeque.

But you see I'd paid for the book. If you've already paid you kind of feel you ought to give it a stab. So I did my online food shopping with the diet in mind. It included food I don't usually eat which is never a good idea. But I stocked my cupboards with it and didn't buy the diet things I usually buy like jaffa cakes.

So in case you are interested here are the rules and how I got on:

NO WHEAT
Oh seriously this is not a good start. No bread, bagels, pasta and no I shouldn't go and buy the wheat free versions either. This leaves me with porridge oats, rice and potatoes as carbs. Oh and rye bread. Dear lord I hate rye bread. And I can eat almost anything. Of course I convinced myself it would be fine and bought it. It's not it's hideous and I won't be convinced otherwise. By day two I had eaten a bagel.

NO DAIRY
Ok so I can see why giving up cheese would help, especially me who can't say no once I've hacked a corner off the mature cheddar I'm making into someone else's sandwich. No full fat dairy, fair enough, but only a small hot drinks milk allowance leaves me making my porridge with water. Ugh.

NO SUGAR
Yeah yeah I can do this. Oh no I can't. I'm a sugar addict. Yes I need to cut down, but cut it out and by 3pm on the first day I was shouting, crying and trying to beg for chocolate buttons from my children. God did I need a jaffa cake.

NO CARBS AFTER SIX
We eat at 5.30 so I was hoping I could get away with this, but she expects normal people to eat later and essentially means no carbs in your evening meal. I had potatoes on the first evening. It went downhill from there.

NO ALCOHOL FOR TWO WEEKS
Erm, equally not drinking alcohol not exactly one of my strong points. I bought non alcoholic lager and drank one on the first night. Then I realised it was made of wheat. Bugger. Then I ate two digestives biscuits...because essentially if I hadn't I'd have hit Paul with the swimming woggle I found lying around in the living room. I've done two and half days now without real alcohol...but it's nearly Friday night.

I am sure I'm not supposed to allow myself to be hungry but no wheat, no dairy and no sugar does that to me, whatever rice cake nonsense you replace it with. I am clearly "not ready to diet". Well not this one anyway. Where did I put those weightwatchers recipe books? Oh well I'll start again on Monday.