Deep Breath

I'm sitting here feeling sick. Willing myself to make a commitment to go out singing. Which I love. But I want to hide at home.

I'm being honest. It's probably as hard to read as it is to write.

I'm struggling with anxiety. Fuelled by Sheffield City Council, children's worries, school and the dark. Not all the time. This morning I was fine. But at this moment. Now.

So I'm going to stop typing, have a cup of tea and get ready to go out, giving both my children cuddles before I go. Tomorrow I'll go to work and it will be ok. And then one day I will feel a lot better and it happen less and less often.

But this is a bit rubbish.

Journaling - Day 5

Things I am grateful for today:
1. Small children in nativity plays. Especially my own.
2. New sparkly shoes.
3. A comfortable bedroom where I can listen to rain on the roof.

I've just come back from a music concert at school. I was initially not convinced as it cost me £10 for the 3 of us to go and watch Tilly who takes approximately 48 seconds to play her guitar solo. Actually it was lovely (if a little long) and there was free wine although I should have gone up for seconds. Children playing instruments is a little bit magical. Plus it's made me want to tune the piano. and play again. Maybe Paul will sort that out for me as a Christmas present.

Oh and Phoebe is now 100% totally and utterly convinced she wants to learn clarinet. Or flute. Or both. But not trombone.