Our Christmas

You reach a point in life when Christmas becomes yours. It might be just that you grow up and want to do things differently. It might not be a choice you wanted to make. It might be because your own family has grown and needs change. It is your choice how to celebrate.

I have only ever hosted Christmas once before I think. And then my Mum was with me so we did the Christmas we have always done together. Just with a smaller oven.

But this year our girls are bigger. We wanted to stay at home and Paul's parents came to stay. So for the first time ever Christmas was being run by us.

I have always adored Christmas  and growing up at home our family traditions held good. Early present opening. Bucks Fizz earlier than is probably advisable. Mum appearing in the room to open a present or two throughout the morning wearing a pinny. A walk. Sherry in a World's Best Mum glass. Fantastic food. That smile my Mum has when she is looking after her family. Lit pudding. Dad's brandy butter. Games after lunch. No time or inclination for the Queen. Home made Christmas cake. Turkey sandwiches. Stories. As we got older there were evening games and cocktails. That was always my Christmas.

So year we needed our Christmas. A Christmas to fit our family and to entertain our lovely guests.

So we did it. And just as expected it was almost exactly the same. The only difference was chicken instead of turkey (because there was less chance of me overcooking it) and the quality of the Christmas cake (I tried Delia I really did). Oh and brandy butter from a jar (sorry Dad).

This Christmas fitted our life. Just as this Christmas has always fitted. It was lovely.

But I missed my Mum and Dad. Because my Christmas is theirs. And always will be.

Unless we win the lottery and end up in Hawaii one year...

Thank you.

Journaling - Day 21

This is it. The last day of Journaling. I don't know why just 21 days - but I don't want to get bogged down with it so this will be the last for a while. Not a bad one to finish.

Things I am grateful for:
1. That the snow hadn't melted overnight.
2. Having marshmallows in the drawer for the hot chocolate
3. Time and space to read and write.

So this morning was pretty idyllic. The girls went and played in the garden early making a snowman and generally having fun. Then we got togged up and went to the hill to sledge - meeting friends from school along the way. This girls are old enough now that they didn't burst into tears when falling off a sledge and the fun lasted a lot longer than usual. But they are getting a bit too heavy to drag on a sledge home - Paul says anyway. I have a bad back so got out of it.

There was more film watching, jigsaws, games, reading, drawing and a trip to town for Paul and Tilly (Phoebe and I stay home in the warm). I wish this could go on forever.

Journaling - Day 20

Things I am grateful for:
1. Fresh air
2. New bargains from Fat Face
3. Snow at Christmas.

So today we went for another walk, this time to the Botanical Gardens. We found the bear and searched for riddles. The kids had a ball. It's all been going better than I ever expected.

We ended up in Starbucks (after a quick trip to Fat Face sales), then came home and played, watched How to Train Your Dragon 2, cooked the world's biggest gammon. As I read to my clean pyjama'd girls the snow began to fall. And fall. Beautiful. Finally snow during the Christmas holidays/

Journaling - Day 19

Things I am grateful for:

1. Christmas food
2. All our lovely gifts
3. No rain on Christmas Day

Today worked really well. Presents and smiles. A walk to the Park. Dinner (only one broken plate and some dubious roast potatoes). Puss in Boots. Famous Five. Champagne.

I am lucky to have a lovely family. Even if the smallest one really doesn't like losing.

Journaling - Day 18

Things I am grateful for:
1. Ecclesall Woods/beautiful places to walk near our doorstep
2. Community - it was lovely seeing everyone on Christmas  Eve as the kids got involved in the Nativity at Church.
3. My slow cooker.

Christmas Eve was pretty good all in. I managed to get a lot of boring necessary jobs done in the morning before taking the girls for a short walk in the woods with a packet of biscuits.

Our guests arrived in the afternoon and we all went to the Nativity at Church in the evening. I don't believe in God but was treating it as a cultural education experience (and a nice Christmassy thing to do with the added benefit of me getting to sing carols). The girls dressed up (an angel and a king), spent time with their friends and loved the Christingle part - although I'm sure my Christingles never had jelly babies on them. There were carols, smiles, candles in the darkness and it really felt like the start of Christmas. It had the added bonus that Tilly said she now thinks she knows more about Christianity than ever before so the educational bit worked.

We walked home, ate slow cooked stew and the girls went to sleep in minutes in case Father Christmas didn't come. We watched TV, drank wine and it was just lovely.

Journaling - Day 17

Things I am grateful for:
1. Paul letting me have a lie in. I was awake at 4 again for no apparent reason.
2. The cinema. Too expensive but love it when we go.
3. Marzipan. We had two extra friends over today and they made marzipan models. I expect they may have eaten quite a lot of it. I marzipanned probably the world's worst Christmas cake and may have eaten the bits that fell off.

It is inexplicable but I genuinely can't help liking the Nativity films. I took the girls to see Nativity 3 this morning after a quick gingerbread latte and some breakfast. How they manage to get some of my favourite people to be in these films is a wonder to me. I mean Ralph Little? Never mind Catherine Tate, Martin Clunes (who hasn't played a role this daft since Staggered), Duncan Preston, and Jason Watkins. I mean the script is terrible, the jokes are childish, the songs are cheesy - what made them sign up? I like to think it was the joy of Christmas and not the cash.

And despite all these down points I enjoy the films a bit too much. And not just because the girls do. Maybe it's because I don't watch enough films with children larking about in. Maybe it's because they are British. Maybe I'm just a little bit stupid.

It was a good morning.

Journaling - Day 16

Things I am grateful for:
1. Dancing
2.The Ferrero Rocher at the end of pilates
3. Having done the Christmas food shopping

This afternoon we had a little Christmas party for the girls friends who we only see in the holidays. We ate food, did come crafts, played stick the nose on the reindeer, passed the parcel and did a large amount of disco dancing. I got to talk to my friends, spend time with a one year old and watch the girls having a great time.

Then it was pilates, the food shop (surprisingly not too hectic) and an evening in front of the telly. And Christmas TV is isn't disappointing me so far this year. We loved the Wrong Mans (again) and Would I lie to you Christmas special. and we've still got Brian Pern and Never Mind the Buzzcocks recorded and it's only 23rd. I know TV is the drug of the nation, but sometimes it's pretty darn good and it makes me laugh out loud, which is good for the soul.

Journaling - Day 15

I'm getting behind. So this was Sunday. Things I am grateful for:
1. Pantomimes
2. Playgrounds
3. My Mum's chicken pie.

We went to the pantomime in the afternoon. It's an unusual one the Spalding affair. Every so nearly a perfect panto but with an audience who can't quite commit to the things you are supposed to shout out. "Do you want to sing the song everyone?" A Halfhearted "Yes" from the audience. "Well we are doing it anyway" came the smiling if resigned response (I think they've done this show at least 20 times already.

The costumes are good one minute (great in the case of the two ugly sisters) but falling apart slightly another (I swear I could see gaffa tape on the fairy). A paper mache pumpkin one minutes, an animated flying horse and carriage the next. It's a bit bonkers. But the girls faces - in particular Phoebe's - showed that it was truly the best pantomime in the world. And cheesy though it is, watching them light up is the happiest I can be.

Phoebe didn't realise the dames were boys. Although to be fair they both had way better legs than I do and the ability to walk in startlingly high heels so it's an easy mistake to make...

Journaling - Day 14

Things I am grateful for:
1. Mum
2. Dad
3. Home

Back home home for the weekend. It's been a good day. A quick visit to my aunt to say hello, play musical instruments, gaze at fairground toys and eat mince pies. Then home to Mum and Dad's to eat, drink and play. The kids enjoyed playing in a den, decorating the tree and cake and watching a Christmas film. We all enjoyed dinner, cointreau, talking and just being downright comfortable. Goes without saying but I love coming home.

Journaling - Day 10

1.Tilly's enthusiasm for life - never fails to impress me.
2. A husband who helps.
3. Mookau. I just did lots more Christmas shopping.

This morning was Till'y Christmas performance. I really enjoyed it despite the random nature of the actors changing between scenes. Who knew Scrooge had so many sides to his character - some of them female. With both our girls you can always hear them singing as loud (and roughly in tune) as they can. Tilly had extra responsibilities like introducing the play and moving props at the end and took them very seriously as usual. She had been concerned about the rest of the cast's projection but she didn't need to worry. It was fab. Surely this must nearly be the end of the pre Christmas shows now? And the raffles?

I'm writing this now because in a while I have to do the trek to swimming and by the time I get back form the stifliing pool there's a chance I won't remember how happy I was this morning...

Journaling - Day 8

Things I am grateful for:
1. Chloe and Ian.
2. Our rabbit putting herself back in the hutch so we didn't have to chase her round the garden in the cold.
3. That I've finished writing Christmas cards. Well nearly.

I am feeling under pressure today. I knew it would start soon - the impending Christmas fear - and this is when I get a bit stupid and try to make everything 'perfect' before inevitably failing. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle it. I find it very difficult to limit myself to the things I have to do and want to do. I'm not thinking about it tonight it's a bit too much of a mental and emotional challenge.

The positive today though was going to see Chloe and Ian in Leeds for sausage sandwiches and chatting. It's been far too long since we've been. I feel like about most of our friends this year which is more than a bit crap. Of course it was as if we saw them five minutes ago.  Apart from the fact that Ian has grown a lustrous beard since the last time we saw him. The kids loved looking at the alternative Christmas decorations and watching one of the cat's performing daring feats. I just loved seeing oldest bestest friends. That is what this time of year is all about after all.

Journaling - Day 7

Things I am grateful for:
1. I came home this morning to find a bag hanging on my door handle. It said that I should "write some lovely lists" and inside were two beautiful notebooks and 4 coloured biros. I simply have no idea who this is from - I tried to work it out from the handwriting and failed. Thank you. I am so grateful for you and for you doing such a thoughtful thing. You made my day.
2. My friend who shares the driving with me on Saturday morning for Razzamataz. It's a massive help.
3. Eccy Road. A morning with Paul eating bacon sandwiches and doing a bit of Christmas shopping on one of my favourite streets is a good start to a weekend.

Today was such a good day it seems unfair that I have just been woken up by a nightmare and can't get back to sleep. My brain has slightly spoiled it but hey ho.

After our lovely morning, coming back and discovering my present and having a long nap on my sofa (I know what a Saturday right?) we watched the girls' dance routine to when "Santa Got Stuck up a Chimney". It was actually pretty good and they did actual dance moves in time with each other. The freestyling section was a bit bonkers but we were pretty impressed. Clearly Razzamataz is paying off. Plus they'd been playing together planning it for an hour without argument and were making good use of the disco ball.

Then we went over to one of my best friends in all the world's house for a Christmas party. The kids had glitter tattoos and played for hours with the other children and we had the chance to talk and catch up with friends in possibly the best kitchen ever. It really feels like Christmas has started. We drove home, put the children to bed and watched Hope Springs with the fire on while eating sandwiches.

I know I am so much better because I never for a moment thought "I don't want to go" and wasn't anxious at all. Plus having been out socially two days in a row I still feel happy and positive which is a massive change. Despite the fact that I'm awake at 4.48 which is frankly unfair.