Tilly on...minstrels

Tilly and I were talking about musical instruments, specifically the lute. I explained what they look like and was moving on to their appearance in history.

Me: Have you heard of minstrels?

Tilly: I've heard of mints...and nostrils

Me: Ha! No minstrels.

Tilly: Ooh yes the sweets.

Me: No minstrels. They were men in medieval times who entertained kings and queens and their guests by playing music for them. Because of course in those days they didn't have (I was about to say CDs)...

Tilly: Bagpipes!

Me: Erm you are probably right. I give up. Sausages for tea?

Life of Pi

I have noticed over the years that at the end of films in the cinema people tend to quietly exit , not really talking much about the film until they get into the bar or the car park. Or maybe they ask "what did you think?" before giving sensibly their own opinion in a calm way. Maybe that's because there are so many people all herded together and no-one wants to be overheard and potentially disagreed with by them all. Maybe it's British reserve.

At the end of Life of Pi as the credits began to roll, the man next to us exclaimed "fantastic!" It shot out of his mouth like it was an involuntary reaction. I don't know if I've ever heard that happen before. But I totally agree with him. And my reactions throughout the film were less than calm, like the several bits where I jumped out of my seat and threw my water bottle underneath the seat in front. Or when I laughed out loud.

I'll be clear, I haven't read the book. Sorry. I imagine I should have. Normally when I see a film that's a book I come out thinking now I should read the book. But this time I don't want to read it. It might spoil it. That's a bit backwards isn't it?

So I had seen the trailer and knew the basics - that it was about a boy shipwrecked on a boat with a tiger.

The film is breathtaking, terrifying, life affirming and downright magical. The lead actor, Suraj Sharma, is staggering. Quite why he isn't nominated for an Oscar I don't know. Apart from the fact that he is only 19 and this is his first and ONLY film role. What a way to start a career.

My best friend and I both agreed it was the most engrossed we'd been in a film for years. And unusually for us it was the first time we'd seen an Oscar nominated film before it came out on DVD which makes us unbelievably cool.

10/10 Favourite film so far. But I haven't rated one badly yet and it's only 10th January.

Call centre hilarity

I rang Samsung about my leaking freezer. I spent a few moments explaining the situation - that it freezes in the bottom creating a sheet of ice, and then leaks water out of the bottom of the door.

The American customer service representative suggested I clear the vent out at the front of the washing machine.

I explained that I wasn't sure this would help. What with it being the freezer that was the issue.

She apologised and said in all seriousness "I did wonder how the washing machine would be freezing up".

I'll let her off. I guess you can work in customer services without knowing much about appliances. Maybe it's like when I worked in an ironmongers and knew very little about bolts. Or when I worked as a customer service manager in Sainsburys but didn't understand hobnobs.

I hope the engineer knows a little more about it though. I don't really want my ice-cream tasting of Persil.

Progress so far...

Well it's the end of day two of my new life. One where I don't have very much to do and hardly talk to anybody.

So far I have achieved the following:

1. My tax return. Dull but necessary. Declared the £2 interest on the bank account. I am that honest.
Action point: Ignore until January next year then flap about finding relevant documentation and frantically contacting bank.

2. Some electronic filing. This is a slippery slope. I may end up emptying cupboards at this rate.
Action Point: Try to ignore this as it's a rubbish use of my time. Actual physical filing would at least allow me to see the desk.

3. Started Weightwatchers. On day two I narrowly avoided eating a tin of soup that contains a third of the points I am allowed daily. I have also discovered that one Roses chocolate is one point. That's tomorrow's twenty nine point menu planned then.
Action point: Favour chocolate over soup.

4. Read the newspaper. First time in seven years. It was depressing.
Action point: Consider getting all news updates from Twitter. Just kidding. I'll use Facebook. (I am joking I promise)

5. Been to the gym and been instructed to let go of my buttocks in a yoga class. After one gym session and one yoga class I ache absolutely everywhere. Even my buttocks despite letting them go.
Action point: Go swimming tomorrow as it won't hurt so much. I refuse to go to "Aqua Zumba" though. How the hell would that work?

6. Started to possibly maybe perhaps consider applying for a part time job that I am unlikely to get. I began the form and instantly realised that I cannot recall or find any information about my qualifications and the important dates of my life that came before children. Bugger.
Action point: Find CVor create new one by talking to friends who probably remember me better than I do. CVs should cover pub quiz scores and dates of gigs right?

7. Not allowed my self time to think properly about writing. Because I'm afraid of failure and am the queen of procrastination.
Action point: Stop pissing about and think about fairies.

8. Struggled with not talking very much throughout the day. The poor yoga teacher got my jabbering full force. I suspect she'd glad she's going on maternity leave now.
Action point: Arrange days to include a chat with friends. Or ring Paul and pester him at work.

9. Discovered that our new fridge freezer is leaking and "I'm sorry but Samsung is now closed". Arses. Also have rung builder about leaking roof. Bah.
Action point: Ring sodding Samsung and take deep breaths. Pray for dry spell.

I'm sure you all feel better for reading that. I'll write something a little more meaningful tomorrow I assure you. Once I've entered a story competition where the central theme has to be hot chocolate. Not sure about this new life yet.

Tyrannosaur

We watched Tyrannosaur last night. Man I badly need to watch a comedy now.

It's hard to say that I enjoyed it. It's another dark gritty Warp film, especially one with the trademark violence of a sort that is meant to make you feel extremely uncomfortable. And uncomfortable was an understatement.

It's a sad terrifying film about an abused wife and an unlikely expressionless alcoholic who becomes her friend. The acting is brilliant. The rape scene and the dog attack I could have done without. But then I always say that.

Watch it. But brace yourself.

8/10

While we're at it...

I'll mention the books I read in 2013 too.

So yesterday I finished The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton. I can't tell you how engrossed I got in this book. And how in awe I am of an ability to write a plot which joins up so perfectly despite having so many strands and keeping you guessing the whole way through.

The Secret Keeper is a story about the investigation of an elderly actress into the secret past of her mother, all started by a murder she witnesses in the 1960s. The book jumps backwards to wartime to slowly reveal the truth and forwards to present day as she learns more. The characters are fascinating but over and above everything else it's such a good story. I can't imagine how long it took to map out the story itself before she began to write it. The mind boggles.

There are two of her books I haven't yet read so The Distant Hours is probably next.


I'll also add in here that I read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. I read it aloud to the kids and it is quite simply the silliest book I have ever read. I'm not sure I ever read it as a child, despite it being in the book drawer (I am the fortunate recipient of many of my childhood stories although still can't find my copy of "The Boy With Illuminated Measles"...) There is space travel, an alien attack, and lots of messing about with the age of grandparents. The girls laughed out loud and I enjoyed reading it to them because of their reaction. Although it isn't a patch on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, BFG or Matilda. It is gloriously daft though.

The version we have has some unnerving illustrations by Faith Jacques which caused a little upset. Kids were clearly a lot tougher in the 70s...

Chronicle

Fours days in and film number 2: Chronicle.

Three college students find weird glowing thing and gain superpowers. I knew nothing about this film but based on the description I thought this was going to be a comedy. It's way darker than that.

I liked the students discovering what they could do and developing their newfound powers but for some reason it felt lopsided. Lots of time and emphasis was given over to that section yet the descent into the inevitable misuse of power wasn't given enough time in my view.

It also raised a question for me about special effects. I always thought I preferred the old ways to CGI, but watching actors obviously hoisted up into the air by their pants looked slightly comedic and out of touch with modern film making. It all looked a bit panto, whilst frankly being a bit gory at the end which is an odd contrast.

But I did enjoy watching it despite that so 7/10. Just because gaining super powers is every school boy/girl's dream.