Nice try

Phoebe "Can I watch telly?"

Me "Ok but just one programme before bathtime"

Phoebe "Five programmes?"

Me "No. One programme?"

Phoebe "Four programmes?

Me "Good negotiating but no. One programme."

Phoebe "Aaaargh!"

Me "Look at the clock. It's nearly bathtime. The little hand is pointing to the six and the big hand to the top so it's 6 o'clock"

Phoebe "So I can watch six programmes?"

Back on Track

I've obviously had a slightly shonky week because I haven't written a blog entry since Sunday night. I tend to communicate less when I'm grumpy. But I'm back and in the absence of any chirpier substance I'll do another round up and try to get back on track tomorrow.

1. Paul and I are now 36. My birthday was spent stuck in the house with dodgy stomached toddler and a broken washing machine.

2. I am embarrassed to say that I am totally incapable of mending technical appliances, drilling and generally "doing it myself". Paul fixed the washing machine and put up Tilly's shelf. I am officially a wife from the 1950s. Note to self: Find previous feminist ideology and refresh my memory of different screw types. (I used to work in an Ironmongers so the information must be in my brain somewhere).

3. We've picked a builder. He's very nice and highly recommended. Soon begins a stressful few months but in the meantime I need to win the lottery. I did win £300 to spend at Boden but I'm guessing he would rather have cash.

4. I am going to admit that I learnt about EID from an infant school assembly and after party. I clearly need to read the curriculum before Tilly gets to it each term or this could get embarrassing.

5. Paul can run 10k. It was only his third ever attempt at a long distance run (previously he ran 7k twice). So much for a slowly increasing training plan. He's showing no sign of suffering and is eating me out of house and home.

6. My fitness levels are very slowly improving and I am discovering which songs are not ideal to listen to at the gym. So far I've ruled out Stevie Wonder and a large amount of acoustic folk.

7. Today I cooked from scratch roast beef, yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, parsnips, glazed carrots, broccoli and crunchie bread and butter pudding for six people. And it tasted nice. This is astonishing. I suspect the success was due to the plates being aligned with the moon or something. Or maybe there is a glimmer of hope that one day I can be just a bit like my mum.

8. I've watched quite a few films this week in a grumpy haze. In summary "27 dresses" is terrible, "Time Travellers Wife" made me cry and "Megamind" was silly and vaguely amusing. "Source Code" I remember quite enjoying but it's just taken me ten minutes and a conversation with Paul to recall the plot which probably says something.

That's it. Pretty dull and generally blah.

Tonight we write a list. It will be scary and probably the longest list in the world. The thing is the presence of list usually shows that I'm pulling myself together so it's a good thing.

36

Well looking at the time it's 2:17am so I guess I'm 36. And no I am not up revelling more's the pity. I'm up because Phoebe has been sick twice. Poor little thing has never had a sick bug and is a little freaked out.

On the upside I get to watch Cinderella Two on DVD again (I know who knew there was a sequel?). It's good because I had forgotten what happens. Nope actually I haven't. Oh well you can never have too much princess.

Phoebe did ask to watch "just whatever's on CBeebies" but I had to point out they don't really show programmes at two in the morning.

We always put the TV on when the girls are sick. Not before of course we have changed the bed fully and tried to put them back in bed so they can cover all the clean stuff in sick as well.

My eyes are struggling since they should be closed so I can't write much more. Maybe I'll just open a birthday present instead...

Saturday stuff

The day began with the girls helping Daddy learn to juggle. Phoebe threw two balls high up in the air and one landed in the toilet. Queue much hilarity and a bit of disinfectant.

In town there was some kind of initiative going on and I pointed out a colourful dress they had on display to Tilly. Fortunately she wasn't listening as it turned out to be entirely made of fluorescent condoms.

And finally quote of the day so far when Daddy was pretending to eat Phoebe (as you do).

Phoebe: I'm not a bug.

Daddy: I don't eat bugs.

Phoebe: Ok. I'm not a croissant then.

Now the girls are packing for a sleepover at Nicky's house. I'd better go and check they have packed pyjamas as well as the stones, hairclips and mixing bowl...

Round Up

It's that time of the week when I try to remind myself what's happened. One day my daughters will be bored rigid by this diary but hey ho.

1. Paul has discovered a natural aptitude for exercise. I, despite having been to the gym twice, have not.

2. Tilly has received her first piece of homework which is due in on 22nd September and is not obligatory. We get home at 3.30. She'd finished it by 3.45. Apparently if Red Riding Hood wrote a shopping list it would include "Bread, Cake, Wulf Kiler, Strong Gloves, Stones, Fresh Flowers, Red cloth and a needle".

3. Phoebe has started preschool and is extremely grown up. She is amassing new friends at a rate of knots. She can also write "3" and "7" unaided, and knows about five letters, although if you ask her one she doesn't know she says it's a "P".

4. Tilly is a bit sad about playtime. Mostly if she can't find her best friend. I need to have one of those conversations with the teacher where I try not to look like an emotional muppet.

5. We have still not picked a builder, but we don't think we'll pick the one who quoted £20k more than the others. He was very professional and lovely but I'm flippin pleased we didn't get his quote first or I would have had a heart attack.

6. James Corden is hilarious and it is extremely healthy to go out with your best friend. I must do it more.

And finally next week? Well on Monday Paul and I are 36.

I think 36 is a crap age. The worst so far. It means you have to tick the next box on census forms. Ugh.

At least "life begins at 40". Nothing begins at 36 apart from several weeks of extension based mess and an emotional child going to preschool related breakdown. Unless of course you are Paul is which case "extreme exercise begins at 36".

One Man, Two Guv'nors

I decided to be all grown up and to write my blog entry sitting on the sofa with a coffee whilst listening to music - something girly and sophisticated probably. My iPod, however, only wants to play me Alan Bennett reading Winnie-the-Pooh. I'm sure there's some kind of message in that about my life.

Anyway in the absence of Adele I shall soldier on and blog in the eerily quiet house (while Phoebe is out eating pretend chips at preschool).

Han and I went to the NT Live screening of One Man, Two Guv'nors last night at the Showroom. My Mum and Dad recommended the experience, but I was a bit uncertain whether watching a play on a cinema screen would work. I so love live theatre, and conversely I can't stand watching stage plays on television. It felt a bit strange for about the first thirty seconds. Pretty much from then until the end I was so absorbed I forgot I wasn't in the theatre and mostly just fell about laughing, as did the rest of the audience. I haven't laughed that much at any play or film for years.

The play is a comedy about a man who, spurred on by an intense desire to eat, and then by his love of Dolly, ends up with two bosses. It is essentially a farce which isn't usually my favourite kind of comedy. But apart from the obligatory 89 year old character spilling soup and being hit in the face and knocked down the stairs a lot, I found the whole thing hilarious. Especially, of course, the inimitable James Corden.

I have always loved James Corden since I saw him in the History Boys. I think he is a wonderful comic actor and was so pleased to see him return to his real craft. It makes me rather proud to be British when I see actors of his calibre and skill. I won't go into detail about the play - it needs to be seen. But sufficed to say I was left genuinely believing that his interactions with the audience were unscripted and off the cuff when I now have a sneaking suspicion they weren't. That takes real skill.

I also loved the music between scene changes where every member of the cast did a musical turn, from Glockenspiel to carhorns via steel drums. Brilliant.

The whole cast were excellent, notably for me Daniel Rigby as Alan, Oliver Chris as Stanley (once I'd got over the similarities with Flashheart from Blackadder) , and Suzie Toase as Dolly.

There was even some singing and dancing so it squarely hit the transformation and dance criteria for me. Plus watching at the Showroom has the added bonus of you being able to drink wine out of plastic cups and eat ice cream while you watch. It's win win!

Changes

Well he's back and apart from a slightly sore heel he is remarkably well. So well in fact that he is seriously considering doing the Great Yorkshire Run in four weeks time. Well that's good then. Just half the amount of time he had to train for the last thing. Signing up for the mountains seems to awoken a fitness monster. Add to that his current enthusiasm to go to the climbing wall and I'll be lucky if I ever see him.

An inevitable consequence of his fitness enthusiasm is the immense amount of guilt I feel when I sit watching TV. So today I rejoined Ladyzone (I know, here we go again). Anyway I did my half an hour circuit and felt much better about myself. Especially since I'd amazingly managed to still be under eleven stone as my starting point. I was positive and quite enthusiastic. Until I came home and spoke to my seemingly bionic husband. Ok I'll keep trying at the gym but I clearly need to find whatever hidden natural talent I have somewhere because it sure as hell it isn't in the fitness arena. Maybe I am secretly an excellent poet. I'm sure I could beat him in a haiki competition.

Other than all that it's been a bit of an odd day. My baby spent her first day away from me in childcare. I cried. She didn't. That's the right way round at least. In retrospect I should have gone to the spa or at least gone shopping to somewhere other than the supermarket. I'm not sure what I really did do today to be honest. Brooded mostly. I'll get used to it eventually. Maybe next week I'll use the time to work on my rhyming couplets.

And tonight I'm watching the British Bake Off. Which features another thing I'm terrible at. Today has not been so good for emotions and self esteem. But tomorrow is another day and I'll be spending it being a mum which I am usually quite good at. Specifically I'll be helping to make monsters so it should be a good day.

*Newsflash* Scratch the idea that Paul is "considering" the Great Yorkshire Run - he's gone and signed up. Now he's out for a run in the dark. Anyone know a good nutritionist? It's hard enough cooking well balanced meals for growing children and adults without managing to feed an aspiring Olympic athlete. Help!