Ricky the Red Panda

Well evidently all this stuff about Paul going up three mountains was not an elaborate cover up for his actual appearance in the Big Brother House. Nope he really fancied climbing three mountains in 48 hours. From what I can gather it has been an elating experience but also a ridiculously windy one. The weather forecast suggests he was "buffeted". I get the feeling he might use a stronger word.

Anyway he's on his way home from Wales in a bus and I imagine when he comes in he's going to stink and the washing machine will struggle with the state of his clothing. He's also going to get a massive hug. Well probably after he's had a bath.

I'll tell you more about what he's been up to when I find out, but for now I thought I'd blog our weekend without him.

Tilly came home on Friday as Star of the Day, Star of the Week and weekend keeper of Ricky the Red Panda (a toy I'm relieved to report). Clearly I don't need to worry about her settling back in at school. So then we had to incorporate Ricky into our weekend and unsurprisingly Tilly was keen to take pictures and write the diary provided. That girl does love a project.

Firstly she wanted me to find out where red panda's live and on doing so insisted on making the Himalayas in our living room out of books. She also discovered that they eat bamboo so went out to pick leaves from the garden. Obviously he didn't fancy the toad in the hole I cooked for tea. I tried not to be hurt.

After brief but intense fighting over the panda and subsequent Mummy diversion Phoebe selected a giraffe as her pet. Then she changed her mind to a bear. When the Himalaya caves weren't big enough to house the bear Grandad made some more out of cardboard boxes. Paul would have been in his artistic element.

The following morning Grandad took Ricky to watch Tilly swimming. It's blinkin boiling in the gallery. I expect he wished he didn't have a fur coat on. I wasn't responsible enough to hold Ricky so had to help Tilly get changed instead.

After that we went out to Sheffield Manor Discovery Centre as they had a heritage open day on. Several women referred to Ricky as a "nice raccoon". I hope he wasn't too upset. I'm just pleased Tilly didn't hear them get it wrong or there would have been hell to pay.

It was a lovely morning. Ricky sat on some rocks,

watched Tilly make some rope and went round the lodge on a guided tour. Then we ate sandwiches and bought a kite which was a bit mental in the wind but quite hilarious. Ricky had his photo taken on a branch and went down the slide a few times. Funny how Ricky wanted to do all the things Tilly likes doing.

Last night I couldn't sleep for obvious reasons and through a sense of profound guilt this morning I felt the need to do something useful. So I attempted to condense an enormous amount of stuff from the studio into a small shed. It was impossible but I did move some things around so it looks different.

I spent an hour, while mum and dad were in the park with the girls (and Ricky), convincing myself we had rats. I was sure I could hear squeaking. After a hour I realised the squeaking was coming from my shoes. That was a relief. I am very scared of rats though. I think Ricky would see off any rats though. So now I need a Red Panda to live in my back garden along with the wasp attacking badger.

Throughout the weekend I checked Facebook, and Google Latitude, a million times as well as continually checking the weather forecasts for Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon. The mention of Hurricane Katia didn't do much for my nerves.

And then this evening Paul rang to say he'd done it. He's happy, I'm happy, Mum, Dad and the girls are happy and Ricky was chuffed to bits.

Dreams Part 3

It's 4am and I'm awake. I have just dreamt that Paul has finished his three walks and I've had to go and pick him and 5 of his walker mates up in the car in order to get him home in time for his debut performance on stage in a Shakespearean play tonight. What the hell is the matter with me? Is walking up three mountains in rain, dark and galeforce winds not enough?

I couldn't get back to sleep for worrying about him so came downstairs to check on his progress. Now I'm wishing I hadn't since he's only been on Scafell Pike for an hour and I was hoping he'd be finished by now. The weather is dire. I almost wish it was raining here so I could walk up and down Carterknowle Road in my pyjamas in some show of solidarity and responsibility. Although I imagine I'd get arrested. And before you ask no Paul is not wearing his pyjamas.

I cannot express how proud I am of him. And how worried I am. I'm off back to bed to try and sleep. Please can I have a nice dream about him coming home happy and well? Or failing that can the play he's attempting not be Shakespeare? At least if it was Abigail's Party he wouldn't have to learn any lines...

Dreams Part 2

Last night I dreamt that I lost Phoebe in a supermarket and was convinced someone had taken her away. I spent several dream hours looking for her and panicking, then found her in the bread aisle. I have some separation issues going on.

In other news Paul is going up three mountains this weekend. I am going to be spending this evening packing and repacking bags and trying to stop him eating all the mars bars before he sets off. Please send him all your words of encouragement. I think he's brilliant.

Classic Phoebe

Phoebe has come out with a couple of classic comments today that I want to keep forever:

We were sitting in a cafe which had big green highchairs, and one red one.

Phoebe: Look at that red thing. What is it?

Me: It's a highchair

Phoebe: Why's it red? Does it have an emergency button?

(Holding arms up to me)

Me: No you can't have a carry

Phoebe: I don't want a carry I want a walking hug.

Needless to say I picked her up.

She's fab.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that I'd driven Paul to Ben Nevis to start his climb. He'd set off then I realised he forgot his rucksack. He came back to pick it up then set off again before remembering he had forgotten to put on his hiking boots. Obviously I am a) concerned that he won't make it to his destination because I'm not driving him there and b) he'll forget key items. Not exactly a coded dream so far.

Then he set off a third time and got quite a way up the hill before I realised he had forgotten to take with him his hand drawn picture of a mermaid to colour in at the top (clearly my worlds are colliding somewhat). I took the mermaid picture with me to give to the organisers who said that it wasn't very good. Which is ironic because Paul is actually pretty good at drawing mermaids. And why mermaids? Maybe because we are convinced it's going to rain torrentially on every mountain.

So in light of the state of my head, and the challenges Paul faces, why not sponsor him if you haven't already ;)

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Why do I feel nervous?

I am sitting in my living room and I feel extremely anxious. I can't pin point why.

Is it that Tilly is going back to school? Have I forgotten something crucial? I've remembered to purchase a revoltingly cute cat lunch box and drinks container. I've remembered to check that her clothes still fit her and have replaced the coat she lost on a school trip (grrr). I know which children I have volunteered to look after and when and I have checked the finish time of cheerleading. I have even checked that there weren't any vital letters in her bag that I forgot to read and I know what she wants in her sandwiches tomorrow (cheese apparently in the absence of salami). I'll miss her and have had a truly brilliant summer holidays but I don't think that's why I'm anxious.

Phoebe starting preschool? Emotional definitely but I know the setting well and she doesn't start for another week at least so I don't think it's that. I'll save the inevitable sobbing for after I drop her off.

Hmm. Maybe it's the extension. That is a source of some anxiety for sure. In fact I don't really want to think about having to choose a builder because it's too hard. And I'm definitely struggling with the fact that two of the builders are called Mark. I might change one of their names to Bob to make it easier to remember. But the big anxiety doesn't come until we pick one of them so I don't think it's that.

Paul going up some mountains? Well this one is a bit of a concern. It's a pretty big thing he's doing compared to anything he has done before. But he's out now walking up Carterknowle Road with 1.5 litres of water, 3 litres of orange juice and a dozen cans of ginger beer in his backpack so he must be physically ready. And mentally frankly if he's prepared to do that instead of watching TV. I'll save my personal panic for Thursday evening I think when I make a last minute dash to buy more flapjack.

Me? There is a chance I might have a job interview coming up for an evening job. That's scary since it's been a good few years since I had an interview and I don't own a suit any more. But it's not definite so I don't think it's the source of my current anxiety. It's clearly daunting that I will have more time on my hands once Phoebe is in preschool, especially since I need to use it effectively, but that's sort of exciting. Books (and all my other responsibilities outside of being a mum) can finally get more focus. That's a good thing.

So what is it? I'm pretty sure that it's all really about change. The girls are growing up and don't need me in quite the same way (gulp). My husband has gone even more sporty (he mentioned a marathon today, God help us. I think I preferred it when it was Tuesday night football). And I'm getting some time to myself so I need to use it constructively (eek). Things are starting to be different. Frankly it's no wonder I'm anxious. I thought it was going to get back to "normal" from tomorrow but "normal" seems to be shifting.

I'm going to keep calm and have a drink of orange juice. Oh bugger Paul has taken it up the road with him. It'll have to be a cup of tea then.

Things I have noticed and/or learnt this week

1. After 14 years in Sheffield I have finally worked out where Padley Gorge is and where to park. It's our new favourite place and I am reliably informed contains a one legged pig, a crocodile and a lion. Also getting water in your wellies and having saturated socks apparently isn't a problem.

2. We won't be joining Esporta. We had a free week's pass and I nearly fell over when I heard the price of joining. See, I'm saving money for the extension.

3. Going swimming every day makes my hair look even worse that usual. And I say swimming - I have been four times so far and not swum a stroke. I am now an expert at catching toddlers though.

4. The girls have become excellent at playing when friends come over. Although I have no idea what they get up to. Based on this photo they seem to have been hoovering up soft toys while playing the xylophone.

5. Wasps can look like they are setting up a nest in your eaves (dive bombing your window) then actually give up and move on the next day. Maybe they didn't like the neighbours.

6. I don't like Paul in hiking boots. He makes me feel even more inadequate height-wise.

7. It is incredibly difficult to find a small diamond in the contents of a hoover. It is made even harder when your children have a love of glitter. As a consequence I have no engagement ring and it feels weird.

8. Picking a builder is a blinking nightmare. They go on holiday a lot, don't seem to know which day is which, don't like writing things down and all have a totally different way of quoting. I might just ask the girls which one they like best and choose him.